Let's Play...If I Leave Right Now...

Dear Anonymous Reader,

Yesterday I played a lifelong-standing game of If I Leave Right Now and Drive Really Fast, Can I Make It To the Movies Before the Movie Starts Without Getting Impatient By Anything or Anyone Who Crosses My Path So I Still Feel Like I'm A Nice Person. I play that game and inevitably lose at least 50% of the time. I lose the part that counts the most really...the part about patience.

One thing I know about myself is that I am in love with my own timeline for whatever I'm doing. I mean...aren't we all, really. There are some people who really, honestly don't care and just go with the flow, but I'm not one of those people. Hence, impatience is something that rears its ugly head in my life. It's like this warm bundle of energy that explodes quickly to my chest and up into my shoulders, neck and jaw in a flash...and then it's gone. My outside face might flare a little nostril and roll the eyes, and give a sigh while my inside face, oh boy, my inside face is wide-eyed, red and usually screaming "Jesus Lord in heaven! Can't these people get it together already!? Hurry up and get out of my way and stop messing with my time!"

I realize this part of my personality is one of the least attractive things about me. I'm meditating on that. I actually have a mantra, seriously right now, that I'm saying every morning - I release my belief in time. I release my need for impatience. I am grateful God is the oneness I am. I'm such a work in progress.

So yesterday I played the If I Leave Right Now...game and this is how it went:
- Me on the couch, shoeless, pantless, braless laying down to maybe take a nap
- Me thinking I might want to see Peppermint today so maybe I shouldn't nap.
- What time is it? It's 1:32pm.
- What time is the movie? 1:50pm at the Blue Oaks Theatre.
- How far is it? It's 19.0 miles/23 minutes away.
- Ummmmmmmm……………..
- OK! I'M DOING IT!!!! PANTS! BRA! SHOES! PURSE! GO! GO! GO!
- In the car...20 minute drive, 20 minutes of previews...I'll be fine.
- I want a snack for the movie. It's too expensive in there. Do I have time to stop? YES!!!
- In the store...quick, quick, quick...drink, Cheetos...DONE! Get in line!
- Old woman...buying milk and a newspaper. Can't understand the cashier's accent and he repeats himself three times. Pulls out her coin purse and fishes for change. Pays, gets change, stands there for 20 more seconds to put her stuff back in her purse. Poor thing knows there are two people behind her and she apologizes.
- Me (total ass) with my inside face "O-M-G lady! Let's go! He said $3.50!!!! Hurry up and get your milk and get the hell out of my way. My outside face smiles and says, "Oh it's okay, no worries".
- I pay fast and am literally out the door to my car as she sits down in her car.
- On the road...…………75...80...85...90 (but only 90 when I was passing someone annoying).
- I'M HERE! FIND PARKING!!!!
- Some jerk with a truck and a trailer with a four wheeler on it parked long way in this tiny parking lot with limited spots and took up 6 fucking spots. Are you kidding me!?!??!
- Park
- Walk fast in...oh good, no line!!!!! Woo hoo!!! NO LINE!!!!!!!!
- Three old ladies at the one cashier.
- Inside face "oh Jesus...more old ladies. These ones have canes."
- It's 2:07pm
- I pay with cash because I hate that they charge to do it on the kiosk so I wait. I'm the only person in line and I stand there...silently...for literally 10 minutes while the little old ladies get a refund, pick their 6 seats all together, split the bill so each person has to be run up and refunded and what the hell else they had to do. Coin purses and canes and organizing the sweaters they rested on the counter while forgetting whether or not they had a chip in their credit card because the machine was beeping at them.
- I'M UP! One for Peppermint, please. Thanks! Pay, walk to ticket collector passing the old ladies.
- Do I have time? IDK, but I am flustered and want a hot dog.
- Oh good, no line!!!!! Woo hoo!!! NO LINE!!!!!!
- One hot dog please. Nope, that's it, thanks.
- The slowest, dumbest looking girl ever is helping me. She is moving at a sloth pace because there is no line and she doesn't have to move quickly. It takes her about 4 minutes just to get me a hot dog from the counter behind her and slightly to the left. I had time to strike up a conversation with the other guy standing behind the counter who was organizing his wallet. We talked about the day and the popcorn seasoning he just bought.
- I get my dog, find my seat, and have missed the first few minutes of the movie so I'm putting ketchup and mustard (hopefully) on my hot dog evenly because I can't see a dang thing.
- The movie continues and it was good.

I completely lost the game of If I Leave Right Now and Drive Really Fast, Can I Make It To the Movies Before the Movie Starts Without Getting Impatient By Anything or Anyone Who Crosses My Path So I Still Feel Like I'm A Nice Person. I felt like a TERRIBLE person the whole time. I was annoyed and frustrated with these sweet, little old ladies who were just having a nice afternoon with their friends going to the movies. No one could see my inside face, of course, but if they could they would have been scared. To top it all off, when I sat down (obviously late), the single, middle aged lady next to me leaned over sweetly and said, "Don't worry, you didn't miss much. She just shot one guy off the roof and now she's here in her van."

The nice lady next to me really made me think about the not nice person that was in my head for the past 40 minutes. I don't really like that impatient me. I spend all this time meditating and trying to be a good person and for some reason, when it comes to the If I Leave Right Now game all that goes out the window and I lose.

I'd like to say I'll never play that game again, but who am I kidding...when I win it's such a fun game!

Don't forget your seatbelt, A.R.!
XO
Kel