A Heroine’s Journey

I put lipstick on this morning. 

I get in my car, buckled my seatbelt, and apply a pretty shade of Perfectly Pink in preparation for an eight-hour drive from Grass Valley, California to Twin Falls, Idaho. Perfectly Pink is for me. I’m driving for me. Working my way to Wilmington, North Carolina. 

Why you ask? 

Simply put...I’m on a mission to answer my unanswered questions.

Let me ask you this. When you hear the words "heroine's journey", what comes to mind? 

Possibly a woman who’s been unlucky in love. Depressed or beaten down by life? Is she distraught and running away? 

When I say "heroine's journey", is a woman crying alone in her car? Does she find a sleepy, little town that soon becomes her oasis because she has finally found a man who makes her feel whole? 

Well…that's a heroine on the Hallmark Channel.

However, this is not that channel! You’re currently tuned to the Badass Women Channel. 

Yes, we cry, and love, and need, and want things…But we’re never half of a person. We’re never half of ourselves.

And this is where I am. This is where I meet you. Where you meet me. Where I’ve always been and where I’ll always be. This is where I continue my heroine's journey.

I have been extremely lucky in love and lucky in life. Opportunities in education, career, travel, exploration. Family ties that go far beyond anything I could ever hope for. Friendships, true friends who have pierced my soul. Lovers who adored me and treated me like every woman deserves to be treated. 

A life of gratitude. A life filled with all the things any parent hopes for their child.

And while all this is true, what can also be true, what can exist in the same space and time of this beautiful life of mine, are unanswered questions. 

Questions about my creativity, my entrepreneurial aspirations. Things in my heart that have yet to be expressed. The butterflies that keep me up at night…Typing…Creating...Smiling...Gitty.

So, in honor of those butterflies, in honor of this wild, adventurous spirit of mine, I’m on my way across the country to figure it out. To delete all appointments and events on my calendar and open up my day, fully, to possibility. 

I have absolutely no idea what this venture is going to hold! Isn’t that exciting?! To have no idea.

This is my ploy. My gift to me. 

To stop, for just a little while, thinking and planning for anything other than the act of exploring my continued greatness. A greatness that lives in every woman reading with me right now.

My, my, what a journey. A true heroine's journey. Filled to the brim with love and support, adventure and curiosity, passion, and overwhelming soulful fulfillment. 

I’m so glad you’re here with me!

Now, let’s do this! Lipstick and all. :-)

My Eyes Are Open

Photo by Fleur Kaan on Unsplash

To those of you trying to suppress,
oppress us;
My eyes are open.
To the ones leading us, herding us,
like sheep, like cattle, sudated broken things;
My eyes are open.
To those promoting uniform,
forcing us to conform,
to comply or be cast aside,
without society
My eyes are open.

My eyes are open
and they’re looking at you.
Open and finding a way through,
a way to stay true 
to humanity;
What it means to be human
to be life expressed.

My eyes are open
and they’re searching for the groups,
like-minded, free-thinkers, standing up,
opposing oppression,
fighting back.
Vocal.
We will not hand over our lives, our free will
to those of you who think humankind is too many.
Too many people, too many ideas, too many voices.

And when I look upon my group, my tribe, my hope,
standing before me, standing tall and strong,
standing for our right to live, to choose, 
our right to pursue happiness,
it won’t just be my eyes looking at you.
It will be my eyes,
and millions,
and millions,
and millions,
and millions,
of my people. 
The people.
We, the people.
All watching, all acting,
protecting ourselves,
protecting our children,
protecting our future,
together.
Forcing you out of your holes, your dens, 
your secret meeting rooms.
Away from your immoral and unethical laboratories.
We are not your laboratory.

Now hear this…
You will not be without accountability.
You will not prevail.

Our eyes are WIDE open.
And we, the people, are staring…
Straight
At
You.

Kelly is Moving to North Carolina - Renting My Condo ($1,750/month)

Hi friends and family!

In September I’ll be moving to Wilmington, North Carolina. I’m so excited! Before I go, however, I need to rent out my Rocklin condo. Do you know anyone who is looking to move now, or in the next month or two? If so, please pass along my contact info.

The condo is fully furnished, and the rent is less than the area’s market. The rent does not include utilities. I hope to find the perfect person(s) for my place. :-) Maybe you know someone relocating from the Bay Area? That seems to be a theme right now. 🙂 If you don't know anyone right now, no problem, just keep it in mind.

I love you all and appreciate your support so much! When I get settled in Wilmington, I’ll be open for visitors and happy to see familiar faces.

Big hugs and a big thank you!!!

~ Kel

 

Stimulating Creativity and Bringing Back My Joy

Hey there, friend!

Let's talk stimulation. 😉 Oh yes, please. The world runs on it! You and I run on it. 

Stimulated by tech.

Stimulated by screens.

Converstations.

Touch.

Lonliness or lack.

The list can go on and on. We live in a world where we are continuously stimulated. And if that's the case, then I want mine to be positive. I want my worldly interactions to bring out the best in me, the joy in me. 

So, a month ago, I came up with a little game for myself to ensure I was staying in the right frame of mind to bring about stimulating my creativity and my joyful spirit.

I created a kit. 

A popsicle stick kit.

On 60 popsicle sticks, I wrote down action items around a few basic topics: food, movement, mindfulness, relations, body care, and mystery. I put those sticks in a little jar I bought at the Dollar Store and put it on my counter. Every day I drew 1-2 sticks and completed the action(s). Easy.

Photo by author

Success! 

Joy!

Hope!

I felt all this. I was doing things with my time, after work, that warmed my heart and made me feel happy. I must add...I cut out TV during the week. While I really like TV, I wanted to make room for other things I loved as well.

Here are my sticks. 

Photo by author

Okay...it's a terrible photo. 

I just wanted you to see that creating change in my day and stimulating my joy didn't have to be a big ordeal. It doesn't have to be tricky, fancy, or elaborate. In fact, my sister wrote half of them so there were surprises in there I wasn't expecting. She definitely wrote the "mop the floor" stick...ugh. 

For me, it just had to be some action on a stick. I do well with directives.

And all these little somethings make me feel great. Even the squats.

If you have any desire to do something similar, then I encourage you to do so! Have some fun with it. I had so much fun with my personal kit that I wrote an article about it and came up with a whole new list of things to do. 

Check it out on Medium (Bring Back Your Joyful Spirit). 

Okay, friend...get to it! Go get some positive stimulation and have yourself an amazing day! 

You're worth it. xo

~ Kelly

Let's Talk About Poetry

Hi there, friend!

I want to let you into my heart a bit. To describe my love affair with words - poetry in particular - and my process for how I tend to write.

When I started to write poetry of my own, it was slow. It was closer to a journal entry. A rant. A lot of questions and an underlying feeling of hopelessness. I wrote a lot about my heart. I wrote a lot about heartbreak. 

Somewhere along the line I stopped journaling, and calling it poetry, to actually writing poetry.

Somewhere along the line something happened in my soul. My creative words separated into two very different categories:

• Thoughtful and intentional
• Uncontrollable expulsion

The thoughtful and intentional pieces are mostly planned. I write something for a birthday card, or a speech. I sit and think about how to make the words light, or heavy. These poems are peaceful and easy for me to write. I can start, stop, and return to the words at any time. I am pleased.

The uncontrollable expulsion, however, are completely disarming. Here's how it goes: 

1. I'm driving, or relaxed, or maybe a bit vexed, and then a word comes to mind. Whatever the word...it worms is way in my head. I repeat it over and over and then other words start attaching themselves before and after that word. The word has now become a phrase.

2. Once it's a phrase, it moves into my chest. It's hot, it's uncomfortable and it starts to gnaw at me from the inside out. I physically begin to pull my shoulders, arch my back and lift my chin because I can feel the words. I repeat the phrase in my head over and over until other phrases start attaching themselves before and after it. The few phrases together are on the edge of information overload. I have to get them out.

3. Wherever I am: in the shower, driving, eating, watching TV, working. Whatever I'm doing I immediately stop, pull over, get out, turn it off, leave the room, to stop myself from choking. I feel like I am literally choking on the words.

4. I write in a unstoppable flow. I gasp for some release from these words in my heart. These words that have come from inside my gut, my soul, my emotions.  

5. When I'm done, I can finally breath again. I can finally focus on whatever it is I was doing, or need to do. The words aren't necessarily heavy or sad. There is a mix of heart ache as well as joy and pleasure. Regardless of the tone of the poetry, the overwhelming expulsion of language is always the same feeling.

I don't know if any other poets have this kind of reaction in their process. It's like if Inspiration were the "bad guy".  Who chokes on words?!? I do apparently.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm so grateful for poetry. I'm grateful for my mind to have the capability to interpret what my heart wants to say. What my heart needs to say. And trust me...it's a need. 

It's only recently I have had the courage to step into myself as a writer to say...

I am a poet.

Thank you, friend, for your time and your love.

~ Kelly

(The Poet)

P.S. - I'll post one of my poems soon. 

TikTok Gave Me My Life Back! Am I Too Late in the Game to Comment on 2020?

Hey there Reader!

It's so good to see you again. Or, if you're here for the first time...welcome!

It has been a minute (okay, a really long minute) since I've written anything. The last two years seemed to have swept by. I'm going to skip all that time, however, and jump right into the now. The present. The only moment we really have.

For real? That's the first thing I have to say about 2020. I'm sure I could hashtag something here about Rona and the election and blah blah. I won't. 

TikTok gave me my life back! That's the second thing I have to say about 2020. I avoided TikTok like the Rona for the first few months of quarantine and then BAM, I'm sucked it. Little did I know the path I had just stepped on. 

(Photo from a card deck of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz)

Once I watched my fill of cat videos, shirtless men dancing, and cleaning tips I'd never use, I stumbled into Gratitude TikTok, Start a Side Hustle TikTok, Book TikTok, and finally, Manifestation TikTok. Through all that I was inspired to read a book about the Law of Attraction. 

First, I read Ask and It Is Given by Ester and Jerry Hicks. OMG!!! Read this! Second, I found an affirmation that changed my everything. "I bring forward the best, highest, most loving, people, events and circumstances into my life". I repeat this every morning and night. 

The short and sweet combination of these two tools has been this: I am a writer. I have always been a writer. I'm finally ready to step into my heart and my future at full speed. I have ample loads of gratitude for what was, what is and excitement for what's to come. My spirit is literally buzzing with positive energy.

I've decided to make my main focus of the now moment: learning. I stopped watching TV during the week and have replaced it with books, YouTube, podcasts and more. I started out with some ASL (American Sign Language). I decided to learn how to use the Cricut machine for crafts. I took a health class to support my body. I also watched the entire season of The Home Edit on Netflix in one day and rearranged and organized my entire 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo. 

TikTok has been by my side throughout it all. If I'm feeling low, I go to TikTok. If I'm feeling energized for a new workout routine: TikTok. If I'm feeling inspired to start a side hustle: you got it...TikTok. 

This simple app took me from stuck in a rut to ants in my pants. I've never been happier to have ants in my pants! 

So as I dance with these ants, I hope you stick around for my moves. Right now I'm moving to Medium. I'm going to start writing and publishing on this incredible platform that promotes integrity and quality content. I may need to turn down my sass and restrain myself from my beloved (and always well placed) profanity, but I'll still be me. 

Still speaking my truth. Still keeping it honest. Still hopeful and spreading the love.

Thank you for being here! Come follow me on Medium!

XO

~ Kelly Neuer (@kellynicole81)

RT - Day 28 (Nevada to California)

Today I made the final trek home!

I slept sooo good last night at the hotel! OMG...that bed was incredible! The room was cleaned to perfection and worth the $175. It felt like a special treat. And another amazing breakfast in the hotel. I miss home cooked meals and this breakfast felt close to one. I had a cheese omelet, some cranberry juice and like 7 sausage links! hahaha! I milked that breakfast for every penny of the $175.

Then it was all Nevada, all the way to Reno. I was surrounded by mountains, but not a lot of life. People and towns were very sparse and the drive itself was like going in and out of "fight or flight" mode because of the one lane highway. Every time I wanted to pass a truck or a slow car I'd have to play chicken with the oncoming cars. I'd see my opening, switch lanes, and put my foot into the floor and be going 90mph real quick. My heart raced with adrenaline every time and then calmed down when I was back on the correct side of the road. It was an exhausting day for that reason.

Here are some pics of my drive...just keep scrolling. :-)

FYI - This is a Nevada "forest" I suppose. There were NO TREES on this leg. And those cacti looked barely taller than me. And I'm only 5'2". Okay...maybe there were some 6' in there, but that's it.

SALT! Just this little spring of salt!

WATER! Just this little (okay gigantic lake) water in the midst of a desolate drive.
Of course though...no trees or shrubbery around the lake. Or boats...no boats or evidence of people. So weird!

Goodbye Nevada...Hello California! I have finally made it all the way up through Nevada and am approaching the NV/CA line. I'm am totally not kidding you with this picture below. Seriously, I'm like one or two miles form the NV/CA border and this is seriously the view! Nothing in Nevada to trees and greenery in California. It was the weirdest thing!

Nevada on the right - California on the left

Hello!!!! This is beautiful California! I missed this. Donner Lake is such a beautiful lake.

More gorgeous driving in CA, but there is a lot of smoke in the air. I'm on I-80 and getting close to the Alta and Colfax area.

The backroads to my parent's house. One of my favorite drives.

The sun was orange...I'm nearly home.

Hey...that driveway looks familiar!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!! A bed of my own!!!! The most beautiful of beds I've seen in a while. And I get to unpack!

The drive was long, but I got home at 4:00pm to see my Mom, Dad and baby Morgan. We kissed and hugged and about 10 minutes later jumped in my parent's car to drive to Erica and Sean's for dinner.

Hello Family! I love you and missed you!

Look at that sweet little face. :-) Who doesn't want to come home to that?

We just got back from Erica and Sean's and I am sooo exhausted. I can't wait to crawl into a familiar bed and wake up to a familiar home.

What a trip! Holy moly...what a trip!
XO,
Kel